I no longer know who I am

These are my thoughts, writings, attempts to create something beautiful that will last forever.

I wonder if anyone will ever feel the way I want them to feel about me

The things I would do be tangled in bed sheets with you.

i wish there was someone who couldn’t live without me. 

Sundays would be better spent laying next to someone in bed all day watching movies about unrealistic love. 

I don’t want to be alone

Stop looking for things that are gone

Love isn’t something you win, it’s something you fall into. 

Favorite Philosophy of Love

Aristophanes presents his conception of Love in the form of a myth. Humans once had four legs, four arms, two heads, and so on, he says. Some were male, with two sets of male sexual organs; some were females; and some were hermaphrodites, with one set each of male and female sexual organs. We were twice the people we are now, and the gods were jealous, afraid we would overthrow them. Zeus decided to cut us in half to reduce our power, and ever since we have been running all over the earth trying to rejoin with our other half. When we do, we cling to that other half with all our might, and we call this Love.

I would

I would make you pancakes all the time.
I would give you back massages every night before bed.
I would tell you that you are beautiful everyday and actually mean it.
I would kiss you even if I was mad at you.
I would take care of you if you were sick.
I would try and make you laugh all the time.
I would love your laugh and smile.
I would surprise you with little gifts of something small you mentioned that you wanted a while back.
I would write about you all the time.
I would sing to you.
I would dance with you.
I would love with you.
I would.

Want. Want.

I want the shit kicked out of me.
I want to bleed, bruise.
I want to be sore for weeks.
I want cuts and scars.
I want my outside to feel my insides.
Something to replace this invisible pain, seen by only me.
I want to hurt.
A new hurt, not one that lingers, slowly sucking the life from anything in its path.
An anecdote to the poison that has stayed in my system for too long now.
I want to remove you from me.